My Rock, My Sanctuary
by AshleyArnetta
Summary: Carlisle/Esme Romance. A broken Esme finds herself in a life she never imagined with the love of her existance. Story progresses up through Twilight timeline. ON PERMANENT HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I'm very excited about this fanfic! I hope that everyone enjoys reading as much as I enjoy writing them. My only request is that you PLEASE review after you read. I really need the criticsm in order to become a better writer. It's disheartening to see 50 hits and only 2 reviews.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with anything twilight related. I own nothing

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**Esme's POV**

My heart beats loudly in my chest, protesting, disbelieving in spite of the outstanding evidence. My breath quickens in denial, pleading, gasping for something to hold onto. This can't be happening. My mind tries to rationalize the irrational, attempts to block the fast approaching pain, with as much chance of success as a dam against the tide. My child. Dead? The tiny soul I felt grow stronger and stronger within me, can't possibly have…died. How can something so wonderfully pure and amazing suddenly be no more? Tears streak unnoticed down my face as I speed the car ever closer to my destination. My release. Trees fly past me but I take no notice of the speedometer. I no longer care about… anything. Not the wind stinging my face through the open windows, not the hair whipping dangerously into my vision. It would only be too fortunate for me to wreck the car. I didn't have that sort of luck. I pull the car to the side of the road and just manage to put it in park before fumbling for the handle, falling to the ground outside. Dirt strains my dress but I don't care. At last my physical appearance will match that of my inside. I am guilty. My only mission in life, my reason for living, gone, and it's my fault.

I dragged myself shakily off the ground. Gazing around, lost. I can't stay here. I can't live with him and his accusing eyes, his harsh, unforgiving hands. I stifle my tears and walk levelheaded to the edge of the cliff. My sanctuary. I gaze thoughtfully over the edge and take a deep breath, shudders running through my body as I shake off the last of my tears and run my fingers violently through my hair, painfully pulling at the strands. I barely even notice any pain. Countless times since I married that scum I have stood here, contemplating, weighing my courage. I have always been brave enough to return to him, to return to the violence and the hate. But I can't be brave anymore. A tear slid slowly down my face.

He was my rock, my beautiful baby boy. He was my stability and I was living for him. Continuing everyday for him, I grew used to leaning on the promise of him to get by and now my rock is gone. There is nothing left for me to hold onto. Nothing stopping me from simply, falling.

I take a step ever closer to the edge. He's waiting for me. A child needs his mother. One more step and gravel falls, tumbling over the edge to land 50 feet below. I sigh happily picturing his perfect blue eyes, picturing us together forever.

And fall.

Sirens. Lights. Voices. Pain. Intense blinding pain was licking along every inch of my body. Why is death so painful? And who is so loud? I moaned quietly and listened.

"Five bucks says she won't last the hour" A deep jersey accent boomed loudly as I was jostled onto a stretcher. "Shouldn't even bother them poor busy docs with this one."

"Musta jumped" Another voice, whiny and trill shot from my other side. "Busted her spine all to hell and back, no use even trying" I drifted back into sweet blessed unconsciousness, drifting ever closer to the end of the tunnel. He was waiting.

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**Carlisle POV**

"Dr. Cullen? Can I have a moment?" A nurse, Annabel as my memory serves me, called quietly from her station at the end of the hall. Her light brown brows narrowed sadly, furrowing her forehead slightly. Something was apparently bothering her. I stepped wearily over to the station. This was hour 30 on the clock. By all appearance I should be tired. "Dr. Cullen… There's a woman in the morgue that…needs to be pronounced."

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why hasn't she been so already?"

"Well, she has no chance and her husband… well; he said he didn't really have the money to…" I cut her off with a nod, turning around and heading toward the elevator. It's unbelievable how cruel human beings can be to one another. How unfeeling they can be towards their mates. I press the button to take me down to the basement and wait as it descends. I don't have much hope that the woman still lives and I feel only pity; to die alone in the coldness of the morgue. I sigh with real weariness this time and step out of the elevator as the bell rings, signaling my floor.

My body barely recognizes the change in temperature as I walk swiftly to the body lying on the table closest to me. I halt as I hear her heart fluttering… she really is still alive, but only just. The smell of blood permeates the air around her, fresh unlike the stale scent which usually surrounds the morgue. I lift the sheet from the woman's face and pull it gently down to rest against her shoulders. She was very beautiful for a human, and oddly familiar, with light brown wavy hair flowing around a pale heart-shaped face.

I gazed curiously as a longing suddenly overcame me. I have never felt this way for a patient before. For some reason, I couldn't bear the though of this beautiful, familiar stranger dying. Why was she so special out of all the other humans I see die on a regular basis? Whilst staring frantically down at her rapidly fading face, I make a quick decision.

I cover the woman once more with the sheet and gently pick her up into my arms. It was a simple matter to dodge the few scarce humans lounging around the hospital at this time of night and an even easier task to get her in my car. I pulled quickly out of the hospital's doctor's parking only lot and sped anxiously home. Counting her ever slowing heartbeats, and, for some reason, praying fervently that I would not be too late.

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	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow.. thank you I woke up to 4 loverly reviews this morning. You guys rock! **

**I'm kinda curious as to whether the readers like my interpretation of Esme or Carlisle better. So if you could tell me in a review, that would be awesome. **

**Please Enjoy!**

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****Carlisle POV**

Getting the beautiful, familiar stranger into my car was no real trouble, and I sped down the streets, rain pounding viciously upon the windshield toward my home; getting her out of it however…

"Carlisle?! Are you completely insane?" My son Edward paced angrily on our large porch as I pulled to a stop in our front yard, awaiting my arrival. "You can't seriously be considering..."

"I don't know, Edward, can I?" My frustration reached a breaking point. Why was this woman so special? I didn't understand why I reacted so strongly to the thought of just another human's death. My son, with his gift of hearing a person's mind, probably understood me better then I did myself at the moment. My dark topaz eyes met his and held them.

He sighed, resigned. "Hurry up then, she's bleeding all over the inside of the car… won't be able to ride in it for weeks." He murmured before gliding back inside the large, double doors. I heard sheets being rustled as I lifted her carefully out of the car and up the stairs. Edward must be preparing the only bed for her to die upon.

I glance again upon her lovely pale face. Once more a bolt of familiarity struck through me with striking force. My brows furrow, contemplating, how do I know her?

"Everything's prepared." Edward's voice echoed from the first room upstairs and I followed it, placing my bleeding stranger upon the soft linen sheets on the large bed in the middle of the room. I leaned over her inert form and brushed the stray hair out of her eyes before locking gazes with my son. He nodded, understanding, and left the room, probably to go hunting as the scent of her blood surrounded the entire house.

Her heart, miraculously still beating after such a long time, began to slow down. The irregular, thick beats sounded feeble even to my hearing and I knew that she didn't have much time left. Breathing in deeply to collect myself, I gently picked up her left wrist and sunk my teeth into her soft, warm flesh; feeling my venom begin it's course throughout her still frame. I repeated this action on the other wrist and then on her neck, injecting as much of my venom as I could into her small, dying body. And then, as the whimpers and gasps began rolling out of her in waves, I sat in the chair next to her bed and held her warm, petite hand; willing the three days to fly quickly by.

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****Esme POV**

_I drifted back into sweet blessed unconsciousness, drifting ever closer to the end of the tunnel. He was waiting_

My light began getting strongly, closer, and I could hear my beautiful baby boy's voice. I could smell his soft, clean scent and I smiled; knowing soon he would be mine again. I willed the tunnel to finally end and for the light to encompass me, I knew that was where he waited. I could feel nothing now, no pain, no sorrow; only the blessed happiness of knowing that he was waiting for me. And he loved me as no other ever has.

Suddenly, I felt a tug, pulling me back towards the beginning of the tunnel where I started my journey. I rebelled, leaning ever closer to the light and reaching out to it, I was so close! So close to my baby boy, I couldn't give up now, he needed me! The light 

began receding farther from my view and the walls of the tunnel flew past me at double the speed I traveled before. The sounds of his laughter, the smell of his soft, sweet, hair left me and I gasped with the pain of loosing him again.

Then my tunnel burst into flames, engulfing me in a swirling fire, lighting my every cell, every sense. The pain sunk deep into my bones unlike anything I had felt before, and lingered growing, choking off my air as I gasped for more.

I must be in hell. God must have seen fit to punish me for all my numerous sins. After all… I killed my son, I killed my marriage, and I killed myself. How could I have possibly hoped to live forever in paradise with my little baby boy? The pain within my heart grew insurmountably, gradually exceeding that of the flames licking at my flesh. The hell I have been placed in doesn't even touch that of which I created for myself. I force myself to relax, resigned to endure this punishment. And welcome the flames.

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**Carlisle POV**

Her screams echo off the walls and down the halls of my home, and clench my heart in a vice. Her pain is my doing. Was it not better to just let her die as Edward thinks? My hand continues to hold hers supportively, although I know she isn't aware of my presence. Such is her pain. I grimace in remorse and gently wipe her sweat soaked brow with a cool cloth.

Her beautiful pale skin flushed with pain as she flailed upon the bed, tightening into a fetal position and crying out. For two days my venom has swirled within her veins, strengthening her, yet stilling her heart; and for two days Edward has been hunting, keeping himself busy so as not to have to listen to her screams. I can tell he doesn't approve of my decision. He's afraid of change, similar to most of our kind, and untrusting towards others. And I believe a small part of him is jealous of my beautiful, familiar stranger. He's afraid of what her presence would mean to our close-knit family, he's afraid he would be replaced in my cold heart. As if he could possibly be replaced. I smile endearingly at the thought of my son. He can be so callous at times, yet I know of the warmth and depth of character he holds.

The woman once again thrashes upon the bed, tightening her grip upon my hand. She getting stronger, I note, her fingers actually clenching mine enough to register. And I dab once more at her brow with my cloth. Not too very long now.

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	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews again **

**I'm so glad that everyone thinks that Esme and Carlisle are in character. I really hope someone stops to yell at me if I slip. I'm really trying to do them justice here **

**I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Should I make them longer? If so then updates may not be so frequent. tell me what you think! **

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****Esme POV**

_The pain within my heart grew insurmountably, gradually exceeding that of the flames licking at my flesh. The hell I have been placed in doesn't even touch that of which I created for myself. I force myself to relax, resigned to endure this punishment. And welcome the flames._

I sat in my dark prison, shuddering against the pain that engulfed my being. This really wasn't so bad; the whole hell thing. My old Priest, Father Bryan, spoke of pain and torment beyond the human imagination; a rather large exaggeration if I may speak plainly. I've done more then imagine agony of a greater degree. This was nothing next to how I felt on the cliffside. The pain of loosing my dear baby boy was so much more intense.

In fact, it felt as if the punishment was letting up, the flames slowly moving away from my fingertips and toes. The heat seemed to move inwards towards my chest, closer to the hole which was my heart during my lifetime. This hell is definitely preferable to the pain of living my life on earth with my scum of a husband and the memory of a dead child. The fire continued to slowly make its way up my arms, over my elbows and toward my shoulders. I could even feel it evacuating from the top of my head and licking its way down my spine to the center.

Suddenly the flame flared brighter then before, lingering and building to excruciating new heights within my chest. I cried out in agony, my back arching and clenching in rebellion against the pain. It felt as if thousands of red-hot pokers were stabbing repeatedly into my heart. And then, it stopped. Every flame was suddenly doused and my body was overcome with a cool, tingling sensation. I paused, confused, and felt around with my mind. What happened to my hell? A bit disappointed at the lack of any real punishment, I realized I was capable of opening my eyes. Wasn't hell supposed to be dark? Wasn't I supposed to be blind and deaf? Perhaps God had a change of heart, maybe he was allowing me to say goodbye to my son one last time before plunging me into an afterlife of pain and solitude.

I opened my eyes, glancing around at the Victorian style room. Heaven wasn't as fancy as I imagined… the entire afterlife thing was a bit of a letdown after all of the hype it received whilst I was alive. The room looked like a normal house would, with a large pair of bay windows next to the bed I was placed on, a table with flowers on my other side. I sat up, much quicker then I expect, with nearly no effort. I felt… incredible. Like I was lying on air, like I could do anything; run a thousand miles, jump a hundred feet. Perhaps I was in heaven. Maybe God made me an angel. The fire seemed almost completely gone now, with only a slight remainder in the back of my throat, licking its way smoothly down my esophagus.

Noticing a figure standing off in the corner, my brows furrowed in confusion once more. The figure, male judging by his dress, leaned just into the shadows, his face obscured in darkness. I cleared my throat slightly, wincing a bit as the fire raged on.

"Hello?" I whispered and gasped. My voice was unlike anything I had ever heard before, an angel's. Like water flowing softly through a brook or bells tinkling gently in a breeze. My eyes widened and my hands flew to grab at my throat, half in pain and half in wonderment. Was it possible that I was an angel? Why would God let me into heaven? And who was this man standing in the corner watching my every move?

'No, not a man' I remarked as he finally stepped out of the shadows. 'A god!'

He was…unlike anything I had ever seen before. No mortal could ever be so blessed, so wonderfully…beautiful. His blond hair fell softly in waves over an angular face, cheekbones of gilded diamonds, lips of perfect pink sent in pale. His strangely familiar liquid topaz eyes rested on mine and completely took my breath away. All thought ceased. Who cares if I am in heaven or hell, as long as he's there to?

"You are probably exceedingly confused." His voice was smooth honey, sending my chest swirling with delight. "I apologize for the pain of the last few days. It was necessary to save your life"

'Save my life?!' My brain flew into hyper drive. "You mean I'm not dead?"

"No." He answered swiftly, "You are reborn."

"Reborn?" I echoed tonelessly. I can't possibly still be alive. I was in Hell… and then heaven. He's a god, I'm an angel. It all fits.

"I changed you. You were dying and our venom…it had the power to save your life."

What if I didn't want to be saved? Where was my child? I gazed around the room at all the earthly things, taking in the breeze from the open windows. This couldn't be happening. Everything was planned so perfectly…I could _hear_ him. I could _smell_ him. My baby boy was right within my reach and now he was gone? I looked up at the god standing motionless in the corner. The sun shining in through the window glinting strangely off his skin, his remorse filled gaze upon mine.

_"Why?"_ Pain filled my bell-like voice. "Why did you save me?"

"I'm not sure." He answered honestly. "I couldn't stand the thought of you dying." He walked, no glided, towards me to sit on the bed. One of his hands held mine. "I don't know your name."

"Esme" I answered automatically. "My name's Esme"

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**Carlisle POV**

Esme and I talked for the remainder of the night. Her beauty resonating even more clearly after her transformation, just as I knew it would. Her radiance filled the entire room, from everything to her light brown hair flowing like moon kissed sand toward her shoulders, to her new burgundy eyes which rested upon mine. She told me of her son, his death and her resulting suicide, her small hands resting gently in mine the entire time. I spoke of our kind, her new race, and told her stories which span centuries.

Remarkably she took well to her new place in the world. Taking deep unnecessary breaths when talk turned to things such as our diet, and powers, but never once loosing her temper or falling apart. She's tough, a product of her human life, and handled every new concept I threw her way admirably.

"You should feel a burning sensation right here" I lightly touched her right underneath her jaw line, perhaps a bit unnecessarily. I couldn't get my mind away from her and just that minimal contact sent shivers dancing down my spine.

"I do." She murmured wincing a bit. "You said that means I'm thirsty?

"Yes." I answered taking her hands in mine once more and standing up. She followed unhesitatingly. "Would you care to join me?"

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**Rosevixen**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you sooo much for all of your imput regarding chapter sizes. This one is a wee bit longer then before, and since I recieved both reviews that wanted longer chapters and reviews prefering quick updates, i decided to compromise. **

**Please enjoy and don't forget to REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Twilight. Nothing here belongs to me. **

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**Esme POV**

The burning in my throat grew stronger as I thought back on what Carlisle told me. Vampires… Immortality… Blood… My mind attempted to grasp the abnormal concepts, spinning around the impossible. How did this happen?

I followed Carlisle out of the Victorian room and down the winding stairs, letting him lead me outside. His house was huge, surrounded on all sides by thick woods and reachable only by a long driveway which wound out into the distance through the dense foliage. He stopped in front of me turning around and grasping my hand.

"I know you are thirsty, but I would like to explain our particular…eating habits." I hesitated, looking at him uncertainly, before gasping quickly, Dracula and his legend filling my mind. He quickly put my fears to rest.

"Unlike most of our kind, my son and I do not drink of humans. We attempt to be as civilized as our nature allows. We do not want to be monsters."

I shivered in response. In my state of confusion and disbelief I hadn't even connected vampires to murderers yet. Even as the burning increased at the thought of killing a human, my system rebelled against it. I couldn't take an innocent life, even if it killed me.

"How do you survive if not from the blood of humans?" It was hard to say the word and separate myself from them.

"We only hunt animals. Consider us vegetarians if it makes things easier for you." He smiled brilliantly, blinding me for a moment. At that moment I felt as if I would follow him anywhere.

Oddly, the thought of killing a poor defenseless creature and drinking of it raw did not repulse me at all. In fact, my mouth watered at the thought of consuming the animal's warm blood as if it were a thanksgiving dinner instead. I decided to stop attempting to rationalize things and to just accept them. Supposedly this was my life now and I couldn't do anything to end it. I sighed and looked down towards the ground, shudders trembling throughout my new body, before looking back up and gazing into Carlisle's soft topaz eyes. I nodded and imperceptibly squeezed his hands. He smiled and continued leading me back toward the woods.

I gazed curiously at him behind his back, knowing that I had seen him somewhere before. Such a strong familiarity couldn't be merely a figment of my imagination. My brows furrowed as we ventured slowly deeper into the woods, and the light bulb flicked on.

"Dr. Cullen" I said the name like a prayer. "You're Dr. Cullen"

He turned around to gaze quizzically at me. "Yes..." He seemed worried for my mental stability.

"That's how I know you." My words came quickly in my excitement, jumbling together. "You helped set my leg after I fell out of a tree. That must have been… nearly ten years go." I smiled brightly, happy to finally be able to place him in my memory.

My smile was returned tenfold. "I do remember now." He remarked. "That was all the way in Virginia. How did you end up in Boston?"

We chatted merrily as we continued our quest for Bambi's parents through the woods. Night fell and still we continued walking, never tiring or tripping under the feeble light of a crescent moon. He taught me many things my first night as a vampire; how to used my newly acquired powers to speed recklessly through the trees, childishly playing tag under the stars. I caught my first deer, its blood staining my dress, more of it ended up wasted on the ground then in my mouth. Never once did the smile fall from my face and not once did its mirror image fall from Carlisle's.

Dawn found us sitting on the topmost branch of a monstrous pine tree, waiting patiently for the sun's first light. This new life brought with it everything that was missing from my first, and as the sun shone brilliantly over the treetops, a feeling so dazzlingly joyous filled my chest, leaving me comfortably breathless.

We began the trek back to the house, well… mansion really. Carlisle claimed to have been alive since the 1300s and I do suppose that's a lot of time to build up the retirement fund. A contented feeling settled softly in my stomach. Carlisle wanted me to join his small family. I never really had a family before, unless you count Charles Evanson. My contented smile turned hard and bitter before I could shake it away. I wouldn't allow the memory of such a bastardly man negate such an intense happiness. Following Carlisle through the back doors, I was led to a back room.

"Here" His honey-toned voice warmed me again. "These will be big on you but they should suffice until we can order you some proper clothes." He handed me a white button down shirt and a pair of expensive looking trousers. "I will pick up more acceptable clothing on my way home from work tomorrow."

I frowned at the thought of him leaving. "Why don't you allow me to come with you?"

His smiled waned a bit. "Esme… you won't be able to go out in public for quite some time." He pulled a full length mirror out of its resting place in the closet, setting it down in front of me.

A beautiful young woman stared back at me and I wondered fleetingly if it was a joke. She looked nothing like the Esme Evanson I knew from before. Her skin was pale white, almost silvery in the cloudy morning sunlight, and completely flawless. Her hair seemed to shine with its own radiance, cascading in waves to fall enticingly upon her shoulders, a few strands lingering upon her chest. And her eyes, they were definitely not those of the Esme Evenson I was acquainted with. Her brows furrowed as I frowned, and she mimicked my movements as I touched the pale purple rings surrounding burgundy flavored eyes. Taking a deep breath I looked away from the mirror, preferring instead to stare at the floor. Before this moment, my new life was a dream, a lovely dream where a handsome knight comes to whisk me away to his mansion in the thicket. Now as I stand staring at the physical evidence of such an extreme, unbelievable change, I feel for the first time dread towards this new life. What if I can't do this? I majorly screwed up with my last chance, how could I possibly be capable of rectifying myself in this one? Taking another deep unnecessary breath I glance back up at Carlisle's worried expression. I _will _make the most of the opportunity I have been given.

"What about sunglasses?" I question lightly. Carlisle's stiff form visibly relaxes.

"It's not so much the physical appearance as it is your reaction as a newborn." He takes my hand and leads me gently to the loveseat pushed out of the way against a wall. "As a newly created vampire, you won't be able to control your need for blood. A human smells… like the most fragrant glass of wine you could possibly imagine. The scent they radiate is a hundred times more powerful and more consuming then that of the deer's blood. As a newborn without any experience controlling your thirst, you would kill mercilessly. I know you do not want to become that." His eyes begged me to understand.

"In time…" I stumbled over the words. "In time will I be able to be around humans again?"

He smiled endearingly. "I have no doubt you will be able to control yourself, in time. It takes much practice to be able to blend in easily with humans. I promise to do everything I can to make the transition easy for you"

I nod and pick up the clothes he so thoughtfully gave me, smiling shyly up at him. He returned the gesture and let himself out of the room, closing the door behind him.

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**Carlisle POV**

I left Esme to change into the clothes I provided and walked swiftly down the stairs to find Edward. The smell of Esme's blood no longer lingered so strongly upstairs; he had no excuse for hiding any longer. I smiled as my thoughts lingered on the newborn that was currently in a state of undress in my room before shaking my head to disperse of such thoughts. They would certainly not help my case in persuading Edward to return home.

"True that…" My adopted son murmured from the front door. He was wearing the clothes he left in three days prior and his eyes were such a light shade of gold they could almost be called yellow. "You've only known her for a day Carlisle." He frowned. "I', Sure she would not take kindly to such thoughts."

_Actually I've known her for much longer. _I smiled as Edward rolled his eyes.

"Setting her leg when she was mere adolescent does not count." I chuckled at his exasperation and continued walked towards him, sitting calmly on the couch nearest him.

"Our family has gone without the presence of a female for too long. She wasn't supposed to die. I was supposed to save her."

"Oh so it's a matter of fate now?" Edward seemed angry at my decision. "You stole some poor woman's soul on a matter of fate? Who were you to decide whether she lived or died?" His voice progressively grew louder. I sighed.

"Edward, I can't explain it. I just knew that I needed to save her life."

"And her wished were of no consequence to you? You know how difficult it is to hide a newborn from humans, how hard it is to keep our presence a secret! Did you even stop to think about how your decision could affect me?" His voice cut off quickly, he sucked in a quick breath, glancing up and managed to look sheepish.

"I'm sorry…" Esme's angelic voice carried from the top of the stairs. She clutched her blood soaked dress in softly trembling hands, before swiftly turning and gliding back towards the bedroom.

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	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you for all 25 of my wonderful reviews! I'm so glad everyone likes this so far. Please don't forget to continue reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I am not affliated with Stephanie Meyer**

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**Carlisle POV**

_"I'm sorry…" Esme's angelic voice carried from the top of the stairs. She clutched her blood soaked dress in softly trembling hands, before swiftly turning and gliding back towards the bedroom._

I turned to glare at my guilty faced son "I think it would be in your best interest to go and apologize" My carefully level voice did nothing to conceal the irritation bubbling underneath. "Esme has been through a rough ordeal these past few days, and I will not have your unwarranted opinions needlessly bringing her more pain." _How could you be so callous? _

Edward's thoroughly chastised gaze fell to the floor. I usually wasn't so stern with him, feeling that at 30 years old he shouldn't be treated as a child, but rather an adult. I sighed, the irritated leaving as soon as it came. "I understand how you're feeling Edward, but I promise everything will be for the better. You'll see… Esme is a wonderful person. I know you will get along." Edward rolled his eyes at my sentimental thoughts and picked himself up off the couch. He was gone up the stairs in a flash.

She really was… amazing. Not only physically, which was brilliant enough in itself, but inside _and_ out; such a treasure. I refused to allow more pain to be brought upon her life. She's gone through so much already, short though it was. I thought back upon what little she told me of her former husband, Charles, and anger coursed through my empty veins. Taking in a deep breath to calm myself, my anger faded. With me and Edward, she will never be so traumatized again.

I glanced wearily upstairs, wondering how the no doubt terse conversation was preceding. Edward was not the kind to easily apologize. Even though, as a product of his age, he was a gentleman to the core, he still found it difficult to confront his feelings calmly and with a controlled mind. In retrospect, he was still quite a young vampire.

My thoughts travelled back to Esme. What exactly would be her position in our small household? She certainly looked young enough to be Edward's sister… perhaps I could spin that lie. _On the flipside though, she also looks old enough to be_… I stopped that train of thought before it gained much ground. I couldn't let myself be distracted by thoughts such as that. I wouldn't take advantage of her vulnerability as a newborn completely dependant on me.

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**Esme POV**

I sat lightly back upon the bed which I died on, thinking distractedly that someone must have taken the time to change the blood-soaked sheets. My mind automatically flashed to the young bronze-haired boy downstairs, wincing. No wonder he thought of me as a burden. My gaze fell to the dress held tightly in my hands, the last remaining piece of my former life, even my memories seemed fuzzy, and I latched on. As horrible as living with Charles was, I couldn't forget my dear baby boy…could I? New burgundy tinted eyes prickled tearlessly, another reminder of my lost humanity. I was so happy to finally be away from Charles and all of my pain that I didn't even realize the burden that would be placed upon my savior. Saviors, I corrected with a grimace. Carlisle said I would be stuck here for a while, completely dependant upon him… and Edward? My mind tripped over the unfamiliar name, and I sighed. It would have been better if he'd have just let me die.

The door pushed soundlessly open and Edward walked slowly in to sit next to me on the bed, eyes fixated on the ground. "If Carlisle knew that my stupid, thoughtless drabble had you thinking such thoughts he would personally make me wish I was capable of going to hell." My eyes widened, what did he mean…?

He nodded absently at my unspoken question. "Yes, yes I can read what you are thinking. That's not really the point though." His gaze caught mind and held it sincerely. "I didn't really mean what I said downstairs, and I'm sorry you heard that. I'm just…used to it being only me and Carlisle. I didn't stop to think about how you would feel."

I smiled. "It's alright Edward. I really don't want to burden you in…"

"You are not burdening anyone, so stop thinking like that." His voice rose a bit. "Now that you are here, Carlisle seems happier then I've seen him in quite some time. You're presence affects him… maybe not more then mine but definitely in a different way. I realize this now." His smile seemed more like a smirk now. I was happy that my mental blush did not show on the outside. He seemed to feel it though. Guess there goes any secrets I may have once had the idea to keep.

"You'll get used to it." His voice tried to reassure me, before it betrayed him and he laughed. He quickly sobered. "I _am_ sorry though. Sometimes my temper runs away with me. I promise it won't happen again."

My spirits lifted insurmountably. I was being too sensitive in the first place. I placed my cold, pale hand over his and lightly squeezed. He grimaced.

"Esme… you don't yet know your own strength." His hand pulled out from under mine and he rubbed it, wincing playfully. My eyes widened and he laughed, placing his hand on top of mine. "Come on, let's go downstairs and tell Carlisle we've kissed and made up…although come to think of it, that may just put even more bees in his bonnet." He wiggled his eyebrows at me as my mental blush picked up again.

He laughed and stood up, leading me towards the door; even holding it for me and bowing a bit. I smiled endearingly at his playful antics and followed him downstairs toward Carlisle.

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**Carlisle POV**

After Edward and Esme 'kissed and made up', as he so _eloquently_ phrased it, it was decided that we would soon have to find some place to relocate to. Esme's body was coincidently "lost" down at the hospital and it wouldn't do anyone any good for her to be recognized while walking down Fifth Street. Of course, no rush was placed on finding a new area any time soon; it would be a year at least before Esme is anywhere near ready to walk around in such close contact with humans. Night fell once more over my growing household and from my desk in my study I could hear Edward teaching Esme an easy tune on the piano. She's actually very good on the instrument; merely lacking practice after her husband forbade her from continuing to play. Esme told us how her mother used to teach her every night before she went to bed and encouraged her daughter's talent. It would seem as if I bit of that talent carried over with her into her new life. I listened briefly to Esme's lullaby and sighed. She really was all I could think about.

Walking quickly down the stairs, I made my way over to the corner of the living room where the piano was located. "You play beautifully." I spoke quietly after Esme finished a lovely waltz.

"Thank you." A smile lit up her moon kissed face. "Edward taught me that one." She turned her smile to my son, who returned it gladly. If my heart was still beating, I knew it would have skipped a beat.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk, the moon is exquisite tonight." Edward glanced at me, a sly look gleaming in his jewel-toned eyes. I returned his glanced innocently. "Esme why don't you practice that second section, it can be a bit tricky once the tempo speeds up"

Esme nodded studiously and turned back towards the piano. Placing her long, pale fingers gently upon the keys, she began the waltz anew, concentrating specifically upon the allegro section, allowing a wave of crescendos and decrescendos to add even more musicality to the already beautifully played piece. I sat next to her on the bench, entranced, as she brought the composition to an end with a flourish.

I clapped dutifully, and she ducked her head, a blush lying unseen beneath her silvery skin. I felt a stab of remorse; she would look spectacular if that blush was able to shine through.

We spent the rest of the night in my study playing cards, talking away the hours until I had to leave for work. Or rather she talked the hours away, I sat listening, just as entranced with her voice as I was by her music, and memorized every perfect angle of her face.

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Don't forget to press the little periwinkle button in the bottom left hand corner!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thank you for all 40 of my beautiful review! This chapter is dedicated to Rain is my refuge**

**I Disclaim **

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**Esme POV**

Staring at the walls… Counting ceiling tiles… Watching the little flecks of dust float merrily in the beams of sunlight, filtering through the window… I sighed and tried once more, fruitlessly no doubt, to find something, _anything, _to occupy my time. This whole immortality thing would definitely get old soon. I can't even find a way to fill the space of a week, how on God's green earth will I be able to mentally survive an eternity? My fingers drummed a rhythm upon the table top, eyes glancing around once more for something to do. Carlisle was gone to work, Edward was in school, and I was still sitting at the same table I was 4 hours ago. My head flopped down upon my arms, willing something interesting to happen so that I could stop_ thinking._

Carlisle has been nothing but amazing this past week. He's been supportive, patient, caring, doting, everything Charles had never been and more. My countenance brightened as the thought of my former husband brought nothing but a fuzzy outline to mind. I could remember the thought of him, and the pain he caused, but not specific memories pertaining to him. His face, the very same which haunted my dreams for years, was gone. Bringing my head up off the table top, my eyes continued to take in the familiar scenery before darting to the empty window sill above the kitchen sink. A patch of violets would look lovely against the white walls and dark cabinetry.

I used to have a tiny flower garden in the backyard of my marital home full of violets, geraniums, and lilies. Charles dug it up one day after he came home early and supper wasn't ready, claiming I was wasting my time on such frivolities. If I could get Carlisle to bring home seeds and a spade, I could start an even larger one here, what with all the spare time I have for such _frivolous activities._ I smiled at the idea, the empty areas right around the front entrance andbordering the tiny pond out back would be lovely. Roses could wind up the trellises' on the front corners of the house, and a blanket of violets would look amazing right as you came up to knock on the door.

My mind began whizzing in excitement, conjuring the possible flowers that could go next to the pond, maybe I could even convince a few lily pads to flourish. I started towards the back door, mind set on viewing the area in person in order to better grasp the space and soil content, before I halted, faltering. Carlisle had already done so much for me… how could I possibly ask for more?

I sat back down in my chair, eyes focused once more on the wooden tabletop. The clothes I'm wearing, plus all the numerous articles upstairs came courtesy of him. He was allowing me to live in his house and for what? I've been nothing but a waste of space. For what purpose would I cook? Edward and Carlisle never make a mess with anything so I don't have anything to clean. In fact, they are putting themselves in danger of discovery just by having me around. I sat my head back upon my arms, settling in for yet another pity-Esme party. I couldn't possibly ask anything else of Carlisle and Edward, especially not something as dumb as flowers.

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**Carlisle POV**

I dragged wearily out of the hospital lobby, every inch the exhausted human I was supposed to be. If the nurses remarked heavily upon my amazing out-of-this-world stamina too often, it could be called to attention. Therefore, acting human was second nature to me now.

I unlocked my car and eagerly began the ride home towards Esme. Usually I hated leaving the hospital for the mundane never changing house, however I, once again, couldn't get her face out of my mind today. A smile came to me unbidden as I thought of seeing her in person again soon, rather then just in my thoughts. Such a presence to come home to definitely made the hospital seem the mundane place now. I turned my car into the long narrow driveway that leads to the house, fingers tapping along the steering wheel. I was thinking of taking Esme with me to Canada this weekend on an extended hunting trip, sans Edward. There was this one particular waterfall hidden deep within the forest that I knew she would enjoy.

I pulled the car to a halt in the garage, put it in park and leaned over the center console to grab my briefcase from the passenger seat, before opening the door and stepping outside. The night air smelled fresh, moonlight shone brightly through the trees surrounding our yard. I would miss living here in such seclusion. It was getting harder and harder to find a house like this, centered out in the middle of nowhere.

I opened the garage door swiftly and let it shut behind me with little more then a quiet bump. Esme was sitting in the same place I left her in at the dining room table. I wondered briefly if she'd actually moved at all.

"Good evening." Her voice sounded falsely chipper and my brows furrowed slightly. I smiled nonetheless

"Hello. How was your day?" I moved to set my unnecessary coat upon a hanger by the door and placed my briefcase on the counter.

"Great!" Esme's angelic tone's did little to fool me, "and your's?"

"Pretty good." My response was drawn out slightly and my eyes caught her questioning. _What are you hiding? _

Esme turned around quickly, avoiding my knowing eyes, and started towards the living room. "Edward came home a bit earlier; he's upstairs reading in the library." She bustled around the kitchen, moving things restlessly as she passed them, giving the appearance of cleaning up; not that the kitchen was ever used. Such an unnecessary maneuver made me even more worried about her then before. I followed, trailing behind her as she sat down upon the couch.

"I'm going to go up to check on Edward…" My voice was quiet even to my ears.

She nodded and picked up a random book left on the coffee table, pretending to be interested.

Walking purposely up the stairs towards the library; I knocked once upon the door before opening.

"She wants flowers" Edward's voice sounded amused from behind a high-backed leather chair.

"Flowers?" My own echoed, disbelieving.

"Yeah, she's bored and wants to plant a flower garden… or two."

"Edward… I wanted to know why she was acting so strange, not…"

"That's why. Funny, eh? She's afraid of asking because she already feels like she's a burden. Women are strange…" Edward shook his head at the mystery which is the female race and returned to his book.

"Flowers? She just wants flowers?"

"And a spade." Edward answered my hypothetical question. "Roses…lilies…and violets. Lots of violets. Oh and lily pads, for the pond." He smiled at my disbelieving expression.

I stepped back out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. Why didn't she just say so?

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**Esme POV**

The novel I picked up in my hurry to escape Carlisle's penetrating gaze luckily turned out to be quite interesting. I read straight through the night, ignoring both and Edward and Carlisle; who vanished sometime around 3am. I knew I was being stubborn and that Carlisle was worried about me but… I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was so listless. He'd already done so much for me and to complain about something as petty as boredom was unthinkable.

By the time I had finished my novel the sun was peaking over the tops of the trees through the windows. I could hear rustling upstairs; Edward and Carlisle were both getting ready for their day. Sighing, I sat up, no longer surprised at the lack of muscle stiffness, and placed the book back on the table. Carlisle stepped off the stairs just as I was turning around.

He smiled at me, golden eyes turning up slightly at the edges, and walked towards the door, grabbing coat and briefcase on the way. "I hope you have a better day then yesterday, Esme."

"Oh! Um…sure." I'm sure my fake smile was glass. His grew merely larger as he stepped out of sight, followed closely by Edward.

As the car purred to life, rolled slowly down the driveway and out of sight, my smile slipped out of place. I slumped back down in my well-used chair and pouted.

Around noon my boredom got the better of me and I gracefully slid out of my chair and up the stairs, planning on reorganizing my closet based upon color instead of type; then maybe changing it back again.

As I opened my door, my eyes were directed to two small boxes lying upon my couch, wrapped up in white paper with green bows on top. Surprised, my eyes widened, my brows furrowed, and I sat down upon the couch, picking up the gifts.

I brought them to my ear and rattled them curiously before setting it back down upon my lap and pulling at their taped edges. As the boxes of lily and violet seeds were slowly revealed I felt my heart expand in my chest and my throat close up. Briefly I wondered how Carlisle could possibly have known what I wanted without even the slightest of hints until Edward's face sprung to mind and I smiled. No secrets indeed.

A note lay upon the couch, previously hidden underneath the seeds.

_Esme,_

_Two rose plants are currently wilting upon the back porch; I do hope the spade will come in handy as you plant them. You're right; the spots underneath the trellises will look lovely. Also, I took the liberty of adding three lily pads to the pond in the back yard, and a bag of fertilizer is waiting for you near the front door. I can't wait to see your garden become even half as beautiful as you._

_Yours,_

_Carlisle_

_PS: Your mere presence is reward enough. Just the thought of you burdening me is laughable since I just can't seem to get enough of having you around._

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_**Review!**_


	7. Chapter 7

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**I disclaim**

**Thank you! Nearly 50 reviews! _le gasp_**

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_5 months later_

**Esme's POV**

I knew I looked goofy; standing in the mirror with my head cocked to one side, before changing to lean to the other, my face approximately six inches from the glass. I really didn't need Edward to tell me so in the background, his commentary upon my actions were completely unnecessary. I took my gaze away from my brand-spanking new topaz eyes to send a playful glare at his reflection. His smirk merely increased in response.

On the way home from our extended hunting trip in the Rockies, where we completely gorged ourselves silly and I concluded that Grizzly was ten times better then deer; hands down, my boys had been staring at me; full-on, no-relief, _staring_. With little smiles on their faces even. The entire way they had me scrubbing self-consciously at my face. I had almost mastered the task of eating without getting blood everywhere, but perhaps I had a fleck on my nose…

Apparently not, I glanced back to my familiar gold eyes, a smile lingering at my lips. Carlisle promised me that we would start introducing me to humans once my eyes turned topaz. He said that it would be a while and by that time he thought I would have a good enough grip on myself to give it a try. Don't get me wrong, I love the house and my gardens but I _really_ wanted to get started on my eternity. A college in Missouri, where we were planning on moving, offered part-time courses on a variety of things, and I was itching to learn something. Of course I couldn't do that until I was confident in my ability to not rip out the throat of the teacher. I shuddered at the thought.

Carlisle's soft honey-toned voice resonated from behind me; Edward had disappeared, leaving only his father to linger in the doorway. Always the gentleman, he rarely even entered my room, preferring to give me my space.

His lovely pale features were upturned in a beam, "We'll get started in packing and moving everything tonight; all the paperwork has been filed and a house is already waiting on us. I'm sure you're anxious to get out and about again." The smile slid off my face and I moved to sit heavily upon the bed. I beckoned him to follow, knowing better then to hide my feelings from him anymore; there are_ still_ no secrets in our house.

I didn't even have to mention what was bothering me. "Esme there is no reason to feel guilty for us moving, we have to get up and go soon anyways," his voice was gentle as he took one of my hands.

"We could wait a while though, so you and Edward don't have to uproot so soon," I hated the thought of them having to leave their home just because of me.

Carlisle brought one of my hands to his lips and placed a feather-like kiss upon my fingers, and he smiled, "We'll get started tonight, everything is already set at the new house; there is even a fountain in the front yard, I'm sure you can think of some creative way to make that the focal point in your new garden." His face turned serious, "Esme, how many times must I remind you that you are not a burden to us? You are incredibly precious to both me and Edward; we would do anything to insure your happiness and safety. Because we never age, we would've moved in a couple of years anyways. Please abandon these thoughts."

I sighed and nodded; a half-smile lighting up my face as I thought fleetingly of the kiss he placed upon my cold hands.

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**Carlisle's POV**

I left Esme to begin packing her room, the smile melting from my face. Every time she feels like she's a burden upon our family, I feel like hunting down one _Charles Evanson _and… I paused as Edward looked up from the piano, his brows furrowing in concern; such violent thoughts usually did not inhabit my mind. I couldn't help but connect Esme's feelings of worthlessness to the abuse received at the hands of her ex-husband, and therefore I couldn't help but feel like tracking down the creature that harmed her and ending his pathetic life.

Edward stood up from his position at the piano and came towards me to sit on the couch, "I could do it, you know."

"Edward..." my voice sounded impatient, even to me. We'd already had this discussion before; my views were not going to change.

"Carlisle, I could do it. I _want_ to do it," he ignored my thoughts and continued as though he didn't hear them.

"It's not so much out of preservation of his life; although that is part of it. How do you think Esme would feel if she knew that you'd killed a human in her name? Proud? It would tear her to pieces, you know that," I shook my head. "We leave him and such thoughts alone."

Edward grudgingly agreed with me and went back over to the piano, beginning a slow, calming piece. "I'll start my packing in a moment," his voice carried over the tune. "Tell Esme how excited I am to be moving."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness, and moved to my own room to begin packing.

The next day we stood in front of our new home, hidden deep within the woods at the end of another long driveway. Much larger than our other home, this one was nearly a hundred years old; made of weathered brick. Three stories worth of brick.

"I claim the bedroom with that view," Edward pointed to a large window on the third floor. I laughed at his careful eagerness. He was subtly proving to Esme how excited he was to be moving. She smiled endearingly at him, the way a mother would to her son. My still heart felt as though it leapt to my throat in response.

She turned her new topaz eyes to gaze up at the mansion, her face alight with excitement. I could tell she couldn't wait to decorate and start her new gardens. Plans were leaping from her eyes. Shifting the bags from my right hand to be held with my left I gently reached down to hold one of her small empty hands. Her eyes widened with the unexpected contact before settling with a half-smile upon her face. I led her to the front door where Edward had already entered and was climbing the winding staircase to his room.

"It's huge!" Esme exclaimed, her head turned every which way to see all parts of the house at once. "We'll all get lost and never find each other again, like a perpetual game of Hide and Go Seek."

I laughed at her exaggeration and led her up the stairs, "I think we'll manage somehow."

I had already picked out the bedroom that I thought Esme would love. Gently pulling on her hand in my excitement to show her the room, I led her up to the second floor and turned into the small hallway at the landing.

"I thought that maybe you could have the second floor to yourself. There is a room here," I pointed to the first door to the left. "This could either be used as a study, or a library. A bathroom here, and the bedroom here." I opened the door to the bedroom and released her hand to allow her to walk in alone. The room had a large walk-in closet to the right and plenty of space to lounge around, but that's not why I picked it out specifically for her.

Instead of a window, the wall was adorned with a set of French doors that opened out to a spacious balcony, surrounded by a beautiful rail of tarnished iron, spun to mimic vines. A smile lit up her face as she ran her hands softly over the rail, imagining the roses she could no doubt convince to flourish there. She turned back around to me shyly.

"I love it," stepping closer to my form standing in the doorway, she swiftly placed her arms around my neck in a hug; my arms came up instinctually to rest upon her back. "Thank you," she murmured against my neck. I knew that if I were human, goose bumps would have risen upon the skin there. "Not just for the room, but for everything. I can no longer imagine my life without you and Edward in it."

I smiled against her hair, holding onto her tighter than before, "And we cannot imagine ours without you."

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**Esme's POV**

I finally finished unpacking all of my clothes into the walk-in closet, thinking distractedly that I would have to go clothes shopping in my new freedoms; the closet wasn't even half-full. I was no longer amazed that I could easily bring my couch up the stairs and into the room on my own, and before noon, I was already unpacking my books onto the bookshelves, which lined my library/study.

Around three pm, I heard Carlisle's steady footsteps climbing the stairs and pausing at my landing. Edward's, while no less steady, had a rougher edge to them; proving how much older and more experienced Carlisle was.

"Come on in," my voice, while not much more then a whisper, easily traveled to his sensitive ears.

"I am heading into town to meet with the realtors and stop by the hospital. Would you care to join me?"

My eyes widened and fear clouded my mind. Was I ready to be in such close contact with humans? Carlisle caught onto my distress.

"I'm sure you'll do just fine," he moved over to stand reassuringly at my side, his hand resting on my elbow as he steered me towards the couch. His other hand cupped my cheek. "I have every confidence that you will be able to control yourself. It is a mere matter of self-discipline, and it only takes practice." His soothing words did nothing to stop the venom from filling my mouth at the thought of being in a room with a human. I nodded, still uncertain but ready to try.

"Alright."

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**AN: I want to go off on a little rant I've been holding in for the past week. This isn't focused at anyone in particular. Pinky Swear I tried... but failed at holding this in any longer.**

**Breaking Dawn was amazing. For all of you preteen, wanna-be critics who are continuing to blabber on about how much you thought it sucked, I would like to bring up some points of conflict. If you have't read Breaking Dawn, I suggest skipping onto the chapter**

**1) Bella cannot be Out of Character. It is impossible because MS.MEYER created her and therefore _she_ says how Bella acts, NOT YOU. Just because Bella has matured, something I understand that you haven't encountered yet, doesn't mean that she's not the same Bella. Back off her. **

**2) I love who Jacob imprinted on and I love that Bella became pregnant. Once again, no bitching about how it's impossible. It IS possible because Stephanie Meyer is the author and she wrote it. Her world, Her rules, Deal with it.**

**3) The ending was beautiful. It nearly brought me to tears. I loved how everything came to a close so completely. But, for the love of everything holy do NOT make me read one more time about how awful of an author Stephanie Meyer is. I will nut up on you. She is a brillant author, as proven by real critics everywhere. **

**It's really upsetting how many people bashed Stephanie Meyer about her last book. I understand your opinions, I respect your opinions, but for those people who went on about her not being a good author just because you didn't agree with the direction she took in the last book... please sit down and be quiet. **

**Just in case you were wondering, this was not focused at any of my reviewers. This is focused towards the comments I have had the displeasure of reading these past few days on other areas of the site**

**REVIEW! D**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Many thanks to Rain is my Refuge, my new betareader. And also to:**

**-amenokyoku**

**-xkatlizbetho**

**-k9cat**

**-LaneyBell**

**-My name is Maxx**

**-Dean Parker (she is hilarious! haha)**

**-DREW! **

**-and My sis jaLEXIam (go read her stuff, it's amazing!)**

**Thank you so much for not only reviewing, but reviewing nearly every chapter of this so far. You guys are amazing!**

**I disclaim**

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**Esme's POV**

"_I have every confidence that you will be able to control yourself. It is a mere matter of self-discipline, and it only takes practice." His soothing words did nothing to stop the venom from filling my mouth at the thought of being in a room with a human. I nodded, still uncertain but ready to try._

I was certain that if I were a human, my hands would have been shaking as I pulled on my calf-length cashmere dress. The deep rose colour complimented my pale skin and brought out the natural blond highlights in my hair but I wasn't focused upon my appearance in the mirror. I was instead looking deep into my new jewel-toned eyes, my stare inquiring; _was__ I ready?_

I sighed deeply and placed a matching hat upon my head, the thin veil hung down to my chin on one side. I looked every bit the sister of a rich doctor from the city, the persona we chose to go with. The thought of being introduced as Ms. Cullen, sent shivers down my spine.

On the same note…so did the thought of being in close contact with a human, accompanied closely by the feeling of fire swirling deep within my throat; a monster fighting to be let free.

I gazed at myself sternly, such thoughts are not allowed. _I am a civilized being. I do not drink the __blood__ of humans; I prefer cute little deer and grizzly cubs. _I scoffed at myself. Yeah, sure, I'm civilized. Taking another deep breath for calming, I stepped out of my massive closet and down the stairs where Carlisle was waiting.

As I walked up to stand at his side, he reached for my hand and squeezed lightly, "Esme, I know you'll do fine. Even if you have trouble, I'll be right there to help you."

The knowledge of his continuous presence soothed me more than my little pep talk to the mirror ever could. I smiled up at his confident gaze and nodded. Still holding my hand, he led me out the front door and to the black nondescript car waiting in idle near my fountain on the circular driveway. He opened the passenger side door and helped me in before closing it and walking around the front of the car to the driver's side. No one could ever accuse Carlisle of not being gentlemanly. I put my seatbelt on and waited as my "brother" put the car into drive and pulled away from the house. I stared at the brick formation in the side mirror, desperate to turn around and hide within its strong, safe walls. _I don't want to be a monster. _

Carlisle took in my grim expression, "Esme? It will be fine. I promise I won't let you do anything you'll regret."

I tore my eyes from the receding house and placed them upon the road, repeating a mantra in my head: _It'll be fine, there's nothing to worry about. Breathe._

I giggled aloud at the last one, earning a strange look from Carlisle. "It's nothing," I assured him.

The trip, a good half hours worth of a drive, seemed to fly by and before I knew it we were parking in front of a weathered brick building. The sign read, "Gainer Realty." According to Carlisle, we still had to tell the seller of the house that we had moved our stuff in and everything was settled. Hopefully this would only be a ten to fifteen minute visit. I crossed my fingers.

Carlisle opened my door for me, and held out his hand for mine. I placed my hand in his, allowing him to lead me towards the door. I paused abruptly, lingering in the parking lot near the car.

"You can do this," he leaned forward so much that I could feel his cool breath upon my ear. "I know you can do this Esme."

"I'm not so sure…how can you have so much faith in me when I have none in myself?"

"I have enough faith in you for the both of us," he laid his palm gently upon my cheek. "I will be right there the whole time. Try not to breathe, it'll make things easier. Think of something else, such as a song. Play that minuet you love so much. I promise everything will be alright."

I took one last deep breath and held it. The feeling was slightly uncomfortable, but bearable. I nodded and he let his hand drop from my face to clasp mine once more.

Carlisle led me towards the front door and he pushed it open slowly. I hadn't before realized how fast our movements had become around the house. Everything he did seemed extra-slow and so I carefully readjusted my own movements to match. My eyes stayed upon the floor, as he walked towards the long counter in the middle of the room.

"Can I help you?" A woman's voice sounded from the other side of the counter and my throat prickled painfully in response. Surprisingly, no doubt because I was still firmly holding my breath, the urge to suck her dry wasn't too difficult to quell; at least it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I felt Carlisle's grip tighten upon mine questioningly and I responded my looking up at him and nodding; a small smile upon my face. His topaz eyes brightened and he returned my grin briefly before looking up and answering the woman.

"I'm here to see Mr. Gainer. I believe we already have an appointment," Carlisle's voice brought the woman's eyes up from her work for the first time. The dark blue orbs widened and her jaw dropped as she took in every inch of his god-like form. While understanding of the woman's interest, I was less than pleased at her blatant stare. Caught off guard, I took in a slight breath of air, and froze. Her scent was… indescribable; like a feast was set before me after years of surviving off stale bread and water. The venom poured into my mouth as I pictured her quick death; a quick snap of the neck, no one would ever have to know. I vaguely remember Carlisle's voice carrying over through my vision; he was answering a question for the woman, a question I didn't quite catch. I was too preoccupied with my planning.

A quick tug upon my hand brought me back down to the present; Carlisle had finished his conversation with the secretary and was leading me down a short hallway. Once we were out of sight he stopped, "Are you okay? You became tense there for a moment."

"No… no I'm not okay. I can't do this. I can't…" my mind garbled the words as I attempted to come to terms with the horrible thoughts rolling through my head.

"You can. You handled that beautifully."

"You don't understand! What I wanted to do to that woman…" my voice was barely a whisper, gasping.

"I do understand. I understand perfectly," he brought me gently to his chest. "You are doing fine. Just one more test to go. Don't breath, don't think about it."

I nodded reluctantly as he let me go; picking up my hand once more and leading me to the door labeled, "Mr. Gainer". He knocked upon the door and gave my hand another light squeeze as we were welcomed in.

An elderly, balding man of a rather portly stature stood in greeting behind a desk littered messily with papers. His face broke into a huge grin, eyes lighting up. For the first time I wondered just how much money Carlisle paid for our house.

"Good to see you! Oh it's so good to see you Mr. Cullen," his hand pumped Carlisle's briefly up and down. His features didn't even register the difference in temperature. "Please, have a seat."

Carlisle pulled a chair out for me, helping into it before settling down in his own, "may I introduce my sister, Esme Cullen? Esme, this is Mr. Gainer, he's handled most of the new estate." His hand gripped mine tightly as the elderly man reached forward to grasp my other hand. I hesitantly placed my hand into his warm clutch and held my breath with all my might as he brought it to his lips for a quick kiss.

It felt like an eternity before he let it go, and I placed it back on my lap to hold tightly onto the fabric of my dress. Carlisle's thumb gently rubbed circles onto my palm as I smiled; I felt quite pleased with myself. Such close contact with a human and I didn't spill one drop of his blood.

A slight smile rose unbidden upon my face and I squeezed Carlisle's hand, letting up when he winced. Oops.

I felt like I was walking on air when we left the realtor's office, giving the secretary a nod on the way out. Carlisle laughed at my joyous expression as he opened the passenger side door for me, "I told you that you would do brilliantly."

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**Carlisle's POV**

The ride home was much easier than the ride towards the realtor's office. Esme chatted the entire away about which flowers would look best in her new garden and if I thought it would look good if she painted the living room a pale peach color. I do believe she could have asked me to rip off all my limbs and use them for firewood and I would have done it. My heart filled with the disbelief that such a kind, caring woman actually existed, and that I was so privileged as to have her in my life.

I was only partly honest when I remarked upon my belief that she would be able to handle sitting in the same room in such close contact with a human. I wasn't worried about her attacking the man, I could have diverted the situation if it came to that, but I honestly didn't think she was capable of so much control yet. She pleasantly surprised me, and apparently herself; she proved so by chatting much more than normally about much more random topics.

We pulled around the circular driveway and I cut the ignition, swiftly exiting the car and walking around to open Esme's door. I caught her hands once she lifted herself out of her seat. "You did wonderfully today," I smiled gently down at her. Her eyes brightened in response and she looked at the floor shyly.

"Thank you. It was a close call though… I really wanted to kill the secretary."

My brows furrowed, "what about Mr. Gainer? He actually held your hand, I should've realized that introducing you to him would warrant that sort of response."

"That didn't really bother me so much," Esme's response caught me off guard. I thought for certain that being in such close contact with a human would have been her undoing before the mere presence of one.

"I wonder why that is…" my voice trailed off. "Perhaps you grew marginally used to it in so short a time. That's amazing!" Esme laughed uneasily.

"Yeah, I'm certain that's it," I released her hands and followed her up the stairs to the front door.

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Please review!


	9. Chapter 9

**An: I'm really sorry that this took a while to get out. I don't really have a valid excuse / **

**PLUS it's the shortest chapter yet... I am a horrible person... So I completely accept anything you wish to throw at me. **

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**Esme POV**

After my success at the Realtor's office, I was confident enough in my ability to not murder weak, innocent civilians that I could go to the store or go for a walk in the park without fear; as long as Carlisle was not with me. It seemed that I was not the only female on God's green earth to think of him as a deity amongst us mere mortals…well, _mostly_ mere mortals. Apparently even though my vision is 100 times better than a human's could ever hope to be; I wasn't seeing anything that they weren't seeing. Such attention made me…antsy for some reason.

That's not to say that I haven't noticed stares from human males. Carlisle tells me that it's part of our arsenal as a predator; we are physically attractive to our prey. I think that the super-speed, super-strength, super-invincibility, and venom aspects of our arsenal are more then enough.

I sat down at the piano having just finished planting the last of the petunias by the fountain. Edward had been working on "Nocturne in G Minor" by Chopin, so I had it stuck in my head all day. I hummed the first couple of measures, and played along with it absentmindedly, wishing that Carlisle would hurry and get home so I wouldn't be so bored. He started his new position at Missouri Grace with a 24 hour shift, and was due back any minute.

I glanced eagerly over at the clock over the mantle, for the third time in the last half hour, before sighing at how pathetic I have become. It wasn't normal to be so attached to someone in so short a time that their very absence leaves you anxious. More then simply anxious, it was almost as if I couldn't function without him. I pushed myself away from the piano, banishing such thoughts. Carlisle had shown interest to be sure, but none so much to this degree. I couldn't get enough of having him around me, constantly. It was like a physical force bound me to him and the tension from being so far away made it seem as if everything was going to snap.

Shaking my head wearily, I glided up the stairs and into my study; intent on pulling the first book I came across off of the shelf and immersing myself into it. I was not going to think about Carlisle Cullen; not his perfect wavy golden hair, nor his perfect topaz eyes, amazing pale lips, Greek god physic, honey toned voice… I clenched my fists and reached for my book. A big book, the biggest I could find.

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**Carlisle POV**

My shift carried on into hour twenty-eight after a man came in with a hatchet shoved in his abdomen. Apparently he and his next-door neighbor were involved in a quarrel over a tree that was growing in between both of their properties. Sometimes I wonder why we are the proclaimed monsters when humans are capable of committing such acts of violence upon one another; especially over something as preposterous as a tree.

I was uncharacteristically upset over being forced to put in extra hours at work. Normally I would have even been slightly pleased to have a valid reason to remain at the hospital, away from the boredom of home. However hatchet man and his butcher of a neighbor completely ruined all my plans for a night out with Esme. The performance of 

Hamlet, which was being shown at the Theatre in St. Louis, started roughly 45 minutes ago; during which I was elbow deep in Hatchet man's intestines.

I sighed disappointedly and pulled off my blood-covered scrubs, my suit clean underneath, before walking slowly to the chief's office to check out for the night. Acting weary didn't take nearly as much effort as before; I really wanted to spend a night out with Esme, just the two of us.

After exchanging a few words with the chief of medicine, I left the hospital and headed towards home. It was nearly 10pm; much too late to take Esme anywhere now. I had missed her terribly during my long shift, and I knew that being left home alone was tedious for her.

I knew that I was attracted to her, and I'd noticed the appreciative glances she sent my way, but this need to be around her and to simply be in her presence was unlike anything I had encountered before. We had only really known each other for a year and yet… she was my life. A minute wouldn't pass by that I didn't think of her. The wind would change and I could swear to smell her perfume, even if she was miles away. A light brown haired woman would walk into the hospital and even though I knew Esme was at home, I would take a second glance.

At first I was confused. I couldn't understand why I couldn't get her out of my mind… and then I realized. I am in love with Esme. I couldn't imagine life without her in it. The sun wouldn't shine for me, the tides wouldn't rise, rain wouldn't fall, birds wouldn't sing. I am in love with Esme. My hands clenched the steering wheel and a smile rose unbidden to my lips.

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Okay so... I will be in New Orleans for the next week or so doing hurricane relief stuff. THEREFORE, I will not be able to update for a while. My apologys. I hope you can forgive this poor excuse of a chapter; I promise the next one will be better. While you are waiting, you should go check out **jaLEXIam**'s fanfiction. Her twilight one-shots are really rather good. As always, REVIEW PLEASE

CHEERS

ash


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Well... My trip to New Orleans was postponed. So everyone gets a new chapter to celebrate! **

**ALSO, I am sooooooo excited to have reached the 100 reviews mark. I can't believe that so many people are enjoying my story. Thank you so much for continuing to read and review. **

**I disclaim**

BIG Thanks to Rain is my Refuge for betaing for me! Without her the whole thing would be a huge mess of random commas and spelling errors.

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**Carlisle's POV**

Love is an emotion with which I have little to no experience. Having lived for several centuries, it wasn't often that I happened upon a situation that caused me confusion and yet I found the smile slipping off of my face and a lump burrowing itself within my throat.

I couldn't understand why this was affecting me so severely. After all, I love Edward as much, if not more than I would my own son, and never have I felt so… panicked. My hands clenched the steering wheel even tighter and I could hear the material groan in protest.

I never gave much consideration to the thought of falling in love with someone. Considering my livelihood, I doubted very seriously that anyone could possibly love a monster. I never felt the desire to look at a human in that light and other vampires considered my diet to be laughable at best. With my stance in the middle ground, I was a solitary creature; until Esme.

She was probably growing worried, waiting at home for me. Part of me wished nothing more then to press down upon the accelerator and yet for the first time, a part of me wanted to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction and hide. I was 300 years old for Christ's sake! This shouldn't affect me the way it was.

The ride home took much less time then it normally did. We have no secrets in our house, thanks to our dearly beloved mind-reader, and so I knew that as soon as I came within his fine-tuned radar range, the cat was out of the bag. It would only be a matter of time before Esme found out that I was… I was in love with her.

I pulled into my normal spot under the carport and took much longer than usual picking up my briefcase and opening the door. Not surprisingly, Edward was sitting in the kitchen, staring up at me from his spot at the dining room table with a big, smug grin on his face. My eyes narrowed and he gasped in mock horror as threats filled my mind.

"Kick me out? Why Carlisle… you wound me."

"Well then… stop smirking. It's not funny. Where is she?"

"In the library, she's been ever-so-_anxious_ for you to arrive," his eyes danced with mirth.

"Very mature Edward," I grumbled, my eyes narrowing again. I placed my briefcase upon its normal resting place on the counter by the door and sighed wearily.

"I don't understand why you are so worked up over it," Edward followed me into the living room.

"_Keep your voice down!_"

He obligingly brought his tone down, "what makes you think that she will be any thing less then pleased at your inevitable epiphany?"

"Will she?" My eyes turned eagerly to stare into those of my son.

"Well now… it wouldn't really be fair for me tell you…"

My thoughts turned dark once more and visions of Edward packing to go live in a gutter filled my head.

"Now, now Carlisle… play nice." He was enjoying this _way_ too much. "You'll have to ask Esme yourself._ I_ am going on a hunting trip in Alaska; catch up with Tanya you know?" Before I could open my mouth to beg he was out the door and up the drive.

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**Esme's POV**

My eyes stared out the window, eagerly following the path of the headlights through the trees. Carlisle was home, finally. I glanced at the clock. He was only _four hours late_. I flipped a page in my book absentmindedly, eyes following the words but not quite comprehending. It was a conscious effort to stop myself from hurtling down the stairs and throwing myself into his arms. I was a grow woman…well vampire, and I was _not_ going to be so needy. The poor man would feel suffocated. It wasn't his fault that I couldn't last a whole day without his presence.

Snatches of a muffled conversation drifted up the stairs:

"_Well then… stop smirking. It's not funny. Where is she?"_

"_In the library, she's been ever-so-anxious for you to arrive."_

A lump grew in my throat. _Was I _that _obvious?_ I missed Carlisle's specific response but distinctly caught the sound of grumblings, and the lump grew larger. My hands shakily closed the book and placed it upon the coffee table. He was annoyed at me. I was too clingy and he was fed up with my antics. Of course, he was too much of a gentleman to say anything… such feelings had probably been building up over the weeks. No wonder he spends so much time at the hospital, so many hours over shift. He doesn't want to come home to someone who is incapable of leaving his side and giving him peace for five seconds!

Why couldn't I control myself? Why did I have to go and screw up this life too? I gritted my teeth and toyed anxiously with the ends of my hair. This couldn't continue. I had to be stronger then this. I had to prove to Carlisle that I could live without him and that he doesn't have to feel the need to come running at my every single, unnecessary whim. I straightened my back and picked my book back up again, determined not to acknowledge he was even home.

Try as I might however, it was easier said then done to distract myself within the pages. I had already read this novel twice and so the plot held little interest for me. Carlisle's soft footsteps upon the stairs broke me from my self-pitying stupor and I jerked slightly, denting the coffee table with my knee. My eyes bore holes into the page of the book as I heard the doorknob twist and the soft footsteps enter. Carlisle's sweet scent filled the room and I glanced over the top of my book at him, not wanting to seem rude.

"Hello," I murmured demurely, "good day at work?"

"Awful," he answered honestly before sitting in an armchair opposite me. "What are you reading?"

"As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner," I barely lifted my eyes from the page.

"Hm…" Carlisle seemed to be at a lost for what to say next. His eyes flicked from the door to the couch I was sitting upon, to the bookshelf and then back at me. The lump formed in my throat again. My clinginess was causing him to feel uncomfortable… and in his own house! He finally seemed to find a point to discuss next and I could hear the air hiss as he brought in a breath to speak again.

"I noticed you planted another lilac bush by the fountain, they look marvelous."

I nodded my head and turned another page in my book. "I quite agree. Thank you for allowing me the space to plant them."

He frowned, "Esme, we've been over this. Everything that is mine is yours as well."

I tried to smile convincingly, "I know, and it's very generous of you, so thank you." I returned to my book, attempting to make my eyes follow the lines while not really grasping any notion of where I was. How could I have let it progress so far? I took advantage of his never-ending wealth of kindness! The lump was still growing larger in my throat and I was not sure how much longer I could keep up my physical façade.

"You know… I'm feeling kind of restless. I think I'm going to go for a walk. Will you be alright by yourself for a while?" I marked my place in the book and sat it down upon the table. Carlisle's tawny eyes met mine.

"Of course," he murmured. I sat up from the couch and glided quickly towards the door.

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**Carlisle's POV**

I watched as Esme stepped gracefully out the door and I frowned, my brows furrowing in confusion. She was acting very off today… like something was bothering her. Wouldn't Edward have told me if she was upset about something? I strained to remember all of our conversations in the past couple of days. If I'd learnt anything in the last three centuries it's that women can be extremely fickle creatures and the littlest slip of a tongue can throw them into a temper.

I continually drew a blank. She wasn't exactly… angry looking. She seemed rather…uncomfortable. But what could have caused her discomfort…

My eyes widened at the memory of Edward and our conversation downstairs. He wasn't exactly quiet. Could she possibly have overheard? My head fell atop my hands, a lump lodged deep in my throat. She probably heard everything. I kept forgetting she was a _newborn_ vampire with hearing even more advanced then my own.

At least she answered my question for me. There seemed to be no possible way Esme could hold the same feelings for me. She was probably walking the woods right now trying to think of the best way to let me down gently. How could I have been so foolish?

In my defense, it _did_ seem as though she found me physically attractive. I caught her staring at my chest several times when we went swimming a few months ago, and whenever my eyes caught hers she would look extremely sheepish, as if a blush was begging to come forward to the surface. We held long conversations easily, talking hours upon hours through the night, and I was always the gentleman. Not to sound too terribly conceited but _why_ didn't she hold the same affections for me?

I sighed wearily for what felt like the tenth time that night and trudged downstairs to my study, barricading myself in to wile away the days until Edward came back. I would happily give my right leg for his power right about now…

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Don't forget to review!


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thank you for reviewing last chapter! I'm pretty sure that this is the chapter everyone has been waiting for happiness in abundance!**

**Thanks as always to rain is my refuge!**

**I disclaim**

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**Esme's POV**

The air seemed less dense as I left the house and ventured out upon the grounds. I knew it was terribly cowardly of me to run away from Carlisle like I did, but I simply couldn't stand being in the same room with him any longer. It was apparent that he found my presence stifling. I pathetically kicked a rock lying in my path, flinging it through a tree. For the first time since I woke up, I wished that Carlisle would have just let me die.

Sitting in the library and waiting for Carlisle to come home, I could pretend that what I felt for him was a mere crush; a passing fancy. After all, he was the only eligible bachelor for miles around, perhaps on the entire country. It was expected for me to find sanctuary in those gorgeous golden eyes. He was kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and extremely good looking; it was really no wonder that I would find myself smitten with him.

However the second that I overheard his and Edward's conversation and the moment I found myself face to face with him, I knew that I wasn't merely smitten. I truly loved Carlisle and _he_ was irritated with my constant presence.

I sat down heavily upon a tree stump and rested my head on my fisted hands. I felt trapped. I couldn't just leave because I knew that even though my clinginess was bothering him, he would be upset at my departure. He longed for a family, even one that was constantly underfoot, and I would hurt him by leaving without a valid reason. However, I knew that I couldn't stay in the house with things as they were. I wouldn't be able to live, metaphorically speaking, while knowing that I was burdening him and annoying him.

So I was left with three options. One, I could return to the house and try to stay out of his way as much as possible. Two, I could stay out here and continue to pout. Or three, I could return to the house, march up to Carlisle and tell him exactly how I feel.

My mind instantly rebelled against the third option. Not only would I immediately be transformed into a bumbling pile of mush upon even _attempting_ to tell Carlisle how I truly feel about him, but Carlisle, with his kind heart and gentlemanly nature, would feel as if the entire situation was his fault and try to make things easier for me; upon who's shoulder's the blame actually lies.

The lump in my throat continued swelling, as my thoughts grew darker. Charles, my husband…_EX_-husband, always claimed I shouldn't get underfoot too often. Women were to be seen and not heard. I knew Carlisle would never place the same restrictions upon me but I couldn't help but feel that if I'd only listened to Charles then I wouldn't be in such a mess. Carlisle wouldn't be irritated by my clinginess and I would still be happily laboring under the delusion that what I felt for him was a simple crush.

Instead, I was out in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night, pouting upon a rotting tree stump and wishing that Carlisle's topaz eyes didn't fill my head every time I closed my eyes. I wished that he was indifferent to my presence, that he couldn't carry on such an engaging conversation, that his hair didn't flop over one eye so tantalizingly. If he wasn't so perfect then maybe I wouldn't be so addicted and then maybe, just maybe, I could close _my_ eyes and not see his.

I was forcibly removed from my musings when soft footsteps crept towards my tree stump. Picking my head off of my hands, I caught sight of Carlisle gliding gently towards me, his eyes upon mine, thick with concern. I held his gaze for a few moments before dropping it and gesturing to the empty area beside me on the massive stump. He sat down gratefully and stared silently at the ground for a few moments. My brow furrowed. I was trying to give him time to himself, away from my constant presence. Why couldn't he see that and take it for what it was?

A hiss in the air announced that he was about to speak. "I apologize for upsetting you, Esme," his eyes were sorrowful as they caught mine. I quickly backtracked, startled and was immediately ashamed. It was never my intention to make him feel guilty. Carlisle never did anything wrong, it was I who presented the problem.

"Carlisle, you have been nothing but kind to me. Please don't blame yourself for my faults in character. It's completely my fault, don't you see? Women should be seen and not heard…"

Carlisle looked slightly affronted. "Seen and not heard? Where did you hear such a thing? Of course you should be heard! … And as for faults in character, I am willing to bet everything I own that you have less 'faults in character' then the latest pope. Why would you even think that…?"

"Carlisle, it was never my intention to annoy you with my clinginess," I interrupted him, relieved to be able to finally say what I was feeling. Carlisle's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open in protest. "It's alright," I shushed him, "I understand. You don't have to be a gentleman about it. I overheard you and Edward talking earlier. I promise to back off a bit and give you space." I bit my lip nervously.

Carlisle's eyes searched mine and to my surprise a wide grin stretched across his pale, chiseled face. "Clingy?" He broke into laughter and picked me up from the stump, swinging me around in circles before placing be back upon the ground. I looked up at him, thoroughly confused.

"Well… Edward told you that I had been anxiously waiting for you all day and you seemed annoyed…"

"My love, I was annoyed at _him_ for making fun of me," the grin had yet to leave his face. "I could never be annoyed with you, especially not for your presence. In that category more is definitely better." He held out a cool, pale hand a placed it gently upon my cheek.

"Esme, I love you. I'm _in_ love with you. I have been for sometime now and only just realized it on the way home." I blinked uncomprehendingly and my mind tried to process what was said. I didn't notice Carlisle reaching into his pocket until he procured two thin pieces of paper.

"I bought us tickets to go to the theatre, of course, some crazy human with a hatchet had to go and ruin the plans, but why would I do such a thing if it wasn't my intention to spend every available moment with you by my side?" He pulled me into an embrace and buried his face in my hair. Snapping out of my reverie, I wrapped my arms around his neck and allowed myself to be pulled even closer. My mind whirled ecstatically. He _loved_ me? _He_ loved me… oh, wow...

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**Carlisle's POV**

I held Esme closely, much too tight for a human to deem comfortable. Out of all the far-fetched, dizzying notions, she was under the misconception that I found her too clingy? I inwardly shook my head at her mixed up logic.

"I… I mean to say… well…" Esme stuttered uncomfortably and I released her from my embrace; gazing into her newly jewel-toned eyes. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, a shocked expression lingering upon her face before she shook her head and replaced it with wonder. "You _love_ me?"

I nodded. "More then you could possibly understand."

She shook her head in disagreement and a jolt raced through my chest. My distress must have shown upon my face because she quickly moved to explain.

"No…I meant to say…" She took a deep unnecessary breath. "I love you too, more then_ you_ could possibly understand, and it's not possibly for both of us to love the other more then they could possibly understand, so that's just inconceivable, and you can't possibly feel for me what I feel for you because… well… I'm not entirely sure it's possible for _me_ to feel how I feel for you…and…"

I laughed, cutting her off mid-sentence, and leaned down quickly to place my lips upon hers, barely brushing them before leaning up again. Eyes wide, she stared up at me flustered before a smile began tugging at the corners of her mouth. I reached down for her hand. "Would you care to join me for a walk?" She nodded and we set off into the starlit woods.

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	12. Chapter 12

**An:** I can't even begin to beg for forgiveness on how late this chapter is. All I can do is hope that everyone is still on board with me.

I honestly don't have an excuse for the lateness. I am a very lazy creature by habit and that added upon a very bad case of writer's block equals an inexcusably late chapter. I'm sorry and although I can't promise it won't happen again, I will try very hard to get the chapters written in a more prompt fashion from now on.

Thank You SOOO MUCH to all the reviews I recieved on chapter 11. I never dreamed that I would get 50 reviews, let alone over 160! Everyone here has been so supportive so thanks a billion.

**IMPORTANT NOTE: My timeline in regards to this story might be off a bit. If so then please try your hardest to overlook it. I won't be going back to fix it simply because the timeline was the cause of my writer's block and the topic frustrates the crap out of me. Hopefully if troubles of that sort arise, they won't be so earthshattering as to take away from the story itself. Thank you ^^**

I disclaim

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**Edward's POV**

I couldn't be happier for our resident couple. Honestly. Their joy is my joy. The fact that Carlisle and Esme finally admitted their feelings to each other instead of agonizing over it in their minds was a huge relief. However, if I have to hear about how 'absolutely ravishing' Esme looks in her dress one more time, I will seriously consider moving to Alaska. It's been three months since Esme and Carlisle infamous venture into the woods and I have yet to hear them think about anything other then each other.

"Edward?" Esme called me quietly from the living room. I had been attempting, with minimal success, to tune the both of them out ever since Carlisle arrived home from work. I have discovered that if I concentrate intensely upon something, my powers do not work as loudly. Needless to say, I've been practicing a lot recently.

I silently opened my door and slid down the winding banister to the first floor, landing flawlessly in front of Carlisle. "You appear to hold some sort of vendetta against using the stairs." He tonelessly observed. I ignored him, instead turning toward Esme.

"Carlisle and I are considering going on a hunting trip." She smiled "Would you join us?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I went earlier this week. You two should make it a date." A week without having to listen to them worship each other would be a week well-spent. Carlisle grinned knowingly at my guarded expression.

_We can't help our thoughts Edward. One day you will understand how we feel. _

"I know a little too well how you feel Carlisle." I responded. His smile widened as Esme glanced back and forth, confused. Carlisle assured her that it was nothing important.

Esme sighed, "Well, if you are sure you don't mind spending the week by yourself…"

"No problem at all." I reassured her. She didn't like the thought of me possibly being lonely. Out of all the voices in my head, Esme's was one of the purest. She always placed others before herself.

Carlisle tugged at her sleeve, flashing a brilliant smile flirtatiously. "Race you to the waterfall?" Her answering laugh was like a wind chime as she followed at his heels out the door.

I stared at the spot where they vanished into the woods, their thoughts fading slowly with the wind. Recently I've felt restless and lonely, as if I was walking though the world by myself with everyone else around me on fast forward. I've tried hard not to let my lethargy show so as not to worry my 'parents' but lately Esme has been suspicious. Hopefully a week full of Carlisle and deer will deter her away from worried thoughts of me.

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**Esme's POV**

Carlisle always lets me win. He claims that because of my newborn status, I am faster then he but I could see him slowing down to allow me to pass. His gentlemanly nature is one of the many things I find myself absolutely infatuated with.

We frolicked underneath the waterfall for a while, chasing each other and wrestling. The water must have been nearly freezing with December right around the corner, but of course we couldn't feel it, even though the air around us was a bitter 30 degrees. The water froze to our skin as we finally emerged from the stream, making Carlisle appear even more glorious in the waning sunlight. I smiled to myself, thanking whoever was listening up above for my newfound family.

Carlisle tugged on a lock of my frozen hair, ice crackling in his grip, before pointing at a buck pawing at the snow nearly 200 yards through the trees. I smiled at him before darting after the deer. Another race was on.

Our fun continued until a couple of hours before dawn broke, until a time when it seemed the earth stood still. Nighttime creatures were just beginning to settle themselves down to sleep and morning creatures contemplated waking. As Carlisle and I lay together in the freshly fallen snow, it seemed as if we were the only creatures on earth. Once upon a time I would have been terrified at the thought of being alone. Now, it seemed that nothing could come close to bursting the pocket of warmth and contentment which surrounded me. Carlisle completed me in ways I never before experienced, and in ways I know I will never go without experiencing again.

I shifted to lay my head upon his shoulder and without any hesitation his arm wrapped securely around my waist, tucking me even more completely into him. I sighed, a habitual human gesture which I wasn't sure I wanted to banish. Although Carlisle could usually tell whenever something was on my mind, he was also enough of a gentleman to keep from broaching the topic until I was ready to talk about it. The small gesture let him know I was ready.

I leaned upon one elbow and looked down into his golden topaz eyes. He arched a brow inquiringly and played with the ends of my hair. Looking away, I shrugged.

"I'm worried about Edward."

His brows came together slowly and a small furrow developed upon his forehead as he nodded. "You noticed as well then?"

"He doesn't seem… content" I continued, sitting up completely. Carlisle hand fell away from my hair to the ground. "He's not irritable, not really moody… he just seems…" I waved my hand trying to come up with the word to call it.

"Restless?" Carlisle filled in my blank.

"Yeah… What if it's my fault? I just barged in on his life all of a sudden and… "

"He already loves you Esme. That's not it. His restlessness must be attributed to something else."

"Well… perhaps it's not to do with me, but rather the circumstances." I attempted to rationalize the subtle changes in his behavior in my mind. "What if… what if he's lonely?" Carlisle looked thoughtful as I continued. "I never realized how lonely I was until you found me. I never understood how much I needed someone like you in my life. Edward deserves this kind of happiness."

"Esme, love, it's not so simple for our kind. Finding you was a miracle. There are so many variable…so many things to consider." He ran his hand through his hair in contemplation. "Not only would she have to be of our species, a rarity I might add, but also it's important that she is of our… sort." He gave a small smile. "Edward also just so happens to be incredibly picky."

I laid my head back upon his shoulder and stared at the stars. "I hate seeing him unhappy."

"I do too." Carlisle murmured into my hair. "We'll watch out for him, things will work out.

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**Edward's POV**

_She's so stuck up._

_She's not even THAT pretty._

_Look at how she fauns over him... it's ridiculous!_

'Ah… must be the wonderfully charming, Rosalie Hale.' I thought dryly as I walked through the lobby of Carlisle's bank and stood behind an elderly couple in line. Her engagement to the wealthy heir to the King throne seemed to be all that this town was capable of think about lately. I didn't really understand what was so interesting… rich, pretty humans almost always married other rich, pretty humans. Why continue discussing a cliché of such profound proportions weeks after the fact? I rubbed at my temples wearily, vampires shouldn't even get headaches.

Carlisle and Esme were expected home tomorrow and I had put off going into town to run the few errands he had asked of me. Thankfully this was my last stop. I forced my thoughts away from those of the gaggle of teenaged girls in the corner and instead focused upon the piece I was composing for Esme. A gradual accelerando in the fifth measure would round out the beginning nicely.

My thoughts continued in this fashion as I stepped up to the counter and completed Carlisle instructed transaction, yet returned to Rosalie Hale as I passed her talking to the eldest King boy on my way out the door. She gave me a glance full of haughty self-importance before flipping her long blonde hair and returning to her conversation. I stifled a smile and left the bank. Rosalie Hale never failed to amuse me with her holier-then-thou attitude. Her thoughts nearly always focused upon competitions, mostly dealing with outward beauty, and therefore the arrival of my superhuman family nearly upended her picture perfect world. One would think that such a self-centered woman would take the dose of humility and be a better person because of it. However, it would seem, based upon her thoughts, that such a notion was asking entirely too much of the future Mrs. King. She continued to live in her fantasy world and generally make the world an uglier place. If I could bring myself to care a bit more about it, I might like a front row ticket to watch when her nice little dreamland crashed around her.

I let myself into the front door of our house and sat back down at the piano. Musical notes and ideas swirling around in my head once more. With any luck I could finish putting the final touches on Esme's composition before they arrived tomorrow. I shoved all thoughts of Rosalie Hale into the back corners of my mind, where they lay nearly forgotten for several weeks to come.

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	13. Chapter 13

**AN: **Thank you for my lovely reviews! Here is your next chapter. I hope you enjoy!

~Rain is my refuge~ seriously rocks my socks. Without her help, the grammer in my chapters would be absolutely terrible. She is a comma queen. ^___^

I disclaim

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Carlisle's POV**

Christmas season is anything _but_ the most wonderful time of the year if you work in the field of medicine. Even with nearly a century of study as a doctor, it never ceases to amaze me how many different ways a human can invent to maim themselves during the holiday months. I suppose everyone is saving all their "good will" for other men and leaving none for their own wellbeing.

I hid my frustration under a smile as I finished stitching up Mr. Williamson's arm for the second time that day. Somehow the dim-witted creature managed to cut himself not once, or twice, but _three times_ with a pair of clippers for his hedges. Meanwhile, Esme expected me home nearly two hours ago and although she understands the importance and spontaneity of my job, I'm not quite sure her wealth of patience extends far enough to cover four nights in a row. I glanced at the clock once more on my way out of the ER and up to the nurse's station. Perhaps if I hurried I could pick up some winter roses from the florists before heading home, just in case.

I shamelessly rushed through signing myself out and had to keep from sprinting out the front door for my car before any other patients interfered with my plans. Esme and I hadn't been able to have a night to ourselves in a while. With Edward gone on a trip to visit Tanya we finally had the liberty to think and say whatever we wanted without random mocking, kissing noises emitting from Edward's upstairs room.

As I put on my seatbelt and slid the car in reverse, my mind lingered upon Edward. Esme's mention of his odd behavior during our last hunting trip confirmed my own suspicions. He had certainly been acting strange lately. Edward had always been a bit of a recluse, spending ages in his room and going for long solitary hunting trips, but never before had it seemed like he was going out of his way to keep away from us.

At first, I attributed his newly formed habit to not wanting to overhear anything between Esme and I that may cause him mental scarring. An understandable endeavor, yet entirely unnecessary as our relationship had yet to even come close to that level of intimacy.

Upon further evaluation, I reached the conclusion that perhaps I wasn't giving Edward enough credit. Maybe instead of wishing to get away from us, he was instead giving us the space to be together alone as a couple. In which case I would give him my gratitude, however just because Esme and I are in love, doesn't mean I never want to see my son again.

But then, Esme mentioned a third option for consideration. I never really put much thought into having a lover, never really considered it to even be a possibility. Not only did I have deep moral issues with damning someone to this half-life, but also it seemed like nothing short of a miracle to find someone with whom I could connect with regarding dietary habits. With the addition of the chemistry necessary to start a relationship, finding a mate always seemed liked an improbability of profound proportions. It wasn't too far-fetched to assume that Esme's prediction is correct and that Edward realized how lonely our existence in fact is. Unfortunately, I was at a loss as to how to go about helping him.

I pulled into an available parking spot outside the florist's shop and bought Esme a dozen pale, pink, winter roses. Then quickly drove home, occupying myself with visions of the small twinkle Esme gets in her jewel-toned eyes whenever I surprise her with gifts.

That twinkle was one of the many things I've recently found myself addicted to, and I never seem to be able to talk myself out of a fix. A smile rose unbidden as I thought of my lovely Esme; the way her flawless, pale skin shimmered in the sunlight and sent sparkles of diamonds into the air as she moved, how her hair fell in waves upon her shoulders, flowing gently like beach sand in the early morning tide. Everything about her sang of purity, and I could happily loose myself in her perfect serenity.

I pulled my thoughts back to the present as I pulled slowly into the garage and exited the car. My nose was immediately assaulted as I opened the front door with a nearly impenetrable wall of paint fumes, and I was greeted with a tantalizing view of Esme in loose jeans and one of my old t-shirts, perched upon a tall ladder in the kitchen, painting the walls a creamy goldenrod color.

"Just one more minute, Love," she murmured from her position near the ceiling. "I've only this corner left to finish before I must let the base coat dry."

She stood on her tiptoes to reach an area otherwise unattainable and rewarded me with a very nice view of her lower back. I swallowed heavily, and quickly turned away to place my briefcase upon the counter by the door. "Take your time. The new color is beautiful."

She finished with the corner and turned to me beaming, before nimbly sliding from the top of the ladder to the floor beside me and giving me a kiss on the cheek and wrapping her arms around my neck. "I missed you."

I smiled and wiped a bit of paint off her chin before drawing the roses from behind my back. "And I you."

Her eyes lit up with that lovely twinkle as she took the roses from me and kissed me again, before turning away to place the roses in some water. I followed her to the sink and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. "Edward's away to Alaska for the week. School is out on break."

She nodded absently as she toyed with the roses in a crystal vase. "I thought as much when he didn't come home today." Shifting in my arms, she put her arms around my neck again and captured my lips, letting her hands tug gently on the tips of my hair. As we both pulled slightly away from each other she murmured, "thank you for the roses, Carlisle. They are beautiful."

My smile grew wider. "So _that's_ why they reminded me of you! I wondered…"

Her answering laugh was like chimes on the wind, "do you have anymore cliché's ready that I should know about?"

I kissed her again briefly and released her from my arms. "I'm sorry to be coming in so late again today. The holiday season is always rough."

Esme nodded in sympathetic understanding. "It's alright. I was able to completely finish painting the study. With you here, I never would have worked up the desire to get it done. Do you want to see?"

"Of course," I replied, eagerly. Esme always seemed to completely devote herself to a project, putting both her heart and soul into it until it was finished. I had no doubt that the study would be absolutely stunning.

Esme led me through the never used dining room and to a closed door off to the right before placing her hands over my eyes to prevent me from seeing. I chuckled and opened the door, waiting until she relinquished my vision.

In the early winter months, Esme grew lethargic with no gardening to do in the yard. After a few weeks of boredom, she quickly remedied the situation with a brand new design for nearly every room in the house and by acquiring the means to make her visions a reality. For the study she chose a deep, rich mauve color; offset with cherry wood detail. Edward and I were forbidden to wander into the room until its completion.

Esme took her hands away from my eyes with a flourish and a, "Ta-da!" before clasping her hands nervously behind her back. "Well," she said a bit more cautiously, "What do you think?"

I walked slowly around the study, and turned a complete circle before returning to her side and smiling broadly. "Well…"

She bit her lip lightly and her brow furrowed. "If you don't like it I can change it back… really, it wouldn't be any problem at all."

I smiled at her worried expression. "I was only teasing, love. It's beautiful, just as I knew it was going to be."

Esme visibly relaxed at swatted playfully at my arm, before reaching up to touch her lips to mine. "Thank you."

Later that evening, Esme and I were in the middle of a game of chess when she suddenly sighed. "I'm still worried about Edward."

I nodded. "I was just thinking about what you said on the way home. If what you think is in fact true then I can't think of a way to help him. Perhaps this is something he needs to work out on his own."

Esme's beautiful amber eyes grew troubled and left mine to gaze upon her lap. "You're probably right, it's just… I hate the thought of him suffering all alone that way. I wish he would open up to us."

"Edward is a very prideful, independent sort."

"I know…but still. I want to be there for him."

I reached over and gently took her hands into my own. "I know you do. We both do."

Esme looked up from her lap "Maybe… maybe you could change someone for him; someone who was dying, like me." Her eyes held so much emotion that a lump grew in my throat.

"I'll keep an eye out, Esme. I promise things will work out."

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**I didn't get as many reviews for my last chapter... *tears* Please brighten up my day with some loverly comments =]**


	14. Chapter 14

An: Thank you for all of my reviews last chapter =] You guys rock

I disclaim

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Esme's POV

I've recently found a passion for interior decorating. When we first moved into our new house, the walls were all utilitarian white and dull. Now I've completely refurnished and painted the study, dining room, and kitchen. I stood in the middle of the living room and gazed around thoughtfully, envisioning which blue would look best against the light pine flooring. Perhaps a nice deep navy…?

Carlisle wasn't due to arrive for another two hours at least and Edward was rarely ever home these days, choosing instead to wander aimlessly around the woods. Reasons for his sudden change in personality constantly chased themselves through my mind, each one taunting me and spitting that it was my fault. No matter how many times Carlisle attempted to assure me that I had nothing to do with his lethargic attitude, I couldn't seem to be able to banish those thoughts.

I effortlessly lifted the ladder with one hand and a half empty bucket of primer with the other, placing them gently against the far wall of the dining room so as to keep from chipping my new coat of paint. I had spent nearly three hours in the living room this morning, finishing up the coat of primer. Now all I had left was to head down to the hardware store and purchase a few gallons of navy blue paint. I figured that by the time I returned from the hardware store, Carlisle would be home and I could begin painting tomorrow.

Shrugging on my deep purple pea coat—the weather was quite chilly for humans and to go without a coat would draw attention—I headed out the garage door and started walking swiftly down the winding driveway through the woods. The bus stop was about a mile and a half from the end of the driveway, a comfortable enough distance to pretend to be walking as a human.

I was very proud of the several outings I had made as a vampire so far. Ever since the incident with the secretary of the real estate agent, I had made absolutely no threat towards any humans. Apparently the trick was to leave Carlisle at home. It was simply too dangerous for a man who looks like he does to be out in public. I smiled tenderly as his profile filled my mind. Those poor unsuspecting human women never stood a chance.

As I reached the edge of the driveway and turned left to follow the pavement, my thoughts lingered upon Carlisle. The contrast between him and my nearly forgotten ex-husband was astonishing. Carlisle has never once raised his voice in anger. His eyes always hold warmth, compassion, and some hidden emotion which never fails to create butterflies within my stomach. Conversely, Charles never smiled, never laughed, and always seemed angry at everything in the world. Especially me.

Of course, physically the two men were nothing alike. One could suppose that Charles was attractive, but up against Carlisle he couldn't hold a candle. Charles had dark brown hair and black piercing eyes which seemed to never hold any warmth, only contempt, _especially_ for me.

Memories of my former life usually remained in a tightly locked box in the back of my mind, only resurfacing when my thoughts were allowed to run rampant. Subconsciously, I was aware that the reason I kept myself so busy was in efforts to keep the horrible memories locked in the box where they belong. Carlisle seemed to realize this, although he had never commented upon it. His way of being able to express how much he cares for me without ever using words is another reason I'm so hopelessly in love with him.

I stopped at the weathered wooden bench which marked the bus stop and sat down gracefully before glancing at my watch. Hopefully the bus would arrive within the next few minutes.

The chilly winter air circled the bench, dragging with it the last few crinkled brown leaves from autumn and shaking loose snow from the pine limbs above. The wind tugged at my hair, attempting to dislodge it from its pins, and pulled bitterly at the edges of my coat. With a bit of luck, the weather would keep most humans inside today and I could travel to the store without too many stares. I wasn't quite used to them yet.

My sensitive ear picked up the loud noises from the bus a mile or so before it was in was in sight and I comforted myself with my fact that my chore reached another stage of completion. I concentrated completely on the next task at hand, which was to proceed onto the bus and sit in the seat farthest away from any humans, all the while not breathing but making it look as if I were.

Humans were, as a whole, very unobservant. However people still grew curious if you neglected to blink or shift in your seat a bit. I was still fine tuning the art of acting human.

The bus pulled to a creaky stop in front of the bench and the driver opened the door for me as I stood gracefully from the bench and up the steps. I drew the edges of my coat around me protectively and shivered a bit for his benefit.

"Bit chilly today, eh?" He questioned sympathetically. I nodded with a smile before walking towards the middle of the bus, trying to force myself into a pace slower then what I was used to. As I predicted, the bus was emptier then usual, with only three other occupants besides me.

As the bus creaked away from the curb, my thoughts returned to Carlisle. We had technically been together for only five months and yet it seemed as if I had known him all my life. If I ever lost him or Edward, I wouldn't be able to continue living… or whatever it is we are doing here. I smiled tenderly as my boys images flashed into my thoughts. They are perfect, I was so happy; however I couldn't help but miss having a female companion. When I was still human, I had a best friend, Alexia, who lived next door. In the mornings when our husbands were at work she would come over and have tea with me. We would gossip for hours over the latest fashions, all the while knowing that our husbands would never buy them for us. She was the one bright spot in my former life, the only person I miss.

I remember that she was the first person I told about my sweet baby boy. My hand pressed thoughtfully against my flat stomach. She was so happy for me; we spent hours planning what the nursery would look like and contemplating names. Until he took my baby away from me.

My eyes closed in reverent remembrance of my friend and child before the bus slowed to a squeaky stop, signaling the end of my trip. I quickly forced myself to concentrate upon acting human and not killing anyone before standing from my seat and stepping into the aisle. I murmured, "Thank you" to the driver, getting ready to descend the few steps, when I was greeted with a pale hand in front of me. A man who was seated a few rows in front of me on the bus was holding his out for me to take, just in case I couldn't manage the stairs on my own, I suppose. I hesitated briefly, weighing how cold it was outside with how cold my hand probably was before deciding to go ahead and allow him to be chivalrous. Rudely ignoring his hand would probably draw more attention then my cold skin.

"Thank you, sir." I said quietly, dropping my gaze to the floor and taking his offered aid. His hand seemed to be a furnace in my own and I quickly dropped it once I reached the sidewalk below.

"Anything for a beauty such as yourself." The man remarked in an attempt at flattery. I stiffened as his breath carried on the breeze toward me.

"Your words are too kind." I replied, while biting down on my tongue. Venom flooded my mouth and my throat burned painfully. "But I really must be going." I stepped around him and head briskly down the sidewalk.

"Perhaps we are headed to the same place?" He quickly met my pace. _The man was damn_ _persistent._

"I wouldn't think so…" I fervently hoped he would take the hint and leave, unfortunately he seemed to either lack the proper intelligence to realize that I wanted to continue running my errands without him, or the proper etiquette to care.

"My name is Richard." His bright blue eyes searched my face, and hungrily crept lower towards my breasts. "And you are?"

"In a hurry." I replied stiffly, before quickening my pace. The pain in my throat was becoming nearly unbearable and I bit down relentlessly, grinding my teeth together. Perhaps he would take my grimace as mere annoyance and leave.

His eyes narrowed and filled with contempt. "You must be one of those rich stuck-up types from the north."

"My husband wouldn't like it if I continued our conversation." I fell back upon an easy excuse. Carlisle wouldn't mind.

"That's funny." The man's tone was sharp and biting. "You don't seem to have a ring. A rich, stuck-up broad such as yourself would doubtlessly have a ring."

I ignored him and continued until I came within sight of the hardware store, turning sharply through the door and allowing it to close behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and heaved a sigh of relief as I noticed his head of red hair slink unhappily towards the alley.

My heels clicked on the hardwood floors as I made my way down the aisles and gathered my purchases. I hadn't been that close to another human since the real estate agent, and although I was still slightly irritated at his persistence and actions, I was also rather proud of myself for my composure. I hummed merrily as I carried my paint and new rollers to the counter and paid, before heading quickly out the door. I couldn't wait to tell Carlisle how well I had done in town today.

As I exited the hardware store and crossed in front of the alley, I felt my hand being caught and tugged suddenly. The unexpected warmth engulfed my senses like a flood of lava and completely encompassed my entire being. I was drowning, writhing as I was pulled under the wave and sunk deeper into the pit. It seemed as if my entire mind went blank, like I was floating above myself and watching from a cloud as Richard pulled me into the alleyway. I silently screamed as my body went of its own volition and a smirk crept to the beautiful, pale woman's lips. Her eyes went red, her body flushed with excitement, and I watched, helplessly, as she descended upon her prey.

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Btw, incase you were wondering, the poor jerkoff who may or may not be sucked dry is based loosely upon my little brother. He ate ALL of my valentine's chocolate... last I heard it was illegal to maim someone, even for such a heinous offense. Therefore, he is being tortured in effigy.

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